Growing pains

Greetings from the corner of Progress and Nostalgia.

My time at UCR is coming to a close. I'd known this day was coming for a while, but it's just starting to hit me how monumental this is.

I came to UCR in the Fall of 2004 as an undergrad fresh out of high school. I had no idea how the world worked. I really didn't have any idea how to be my own person. During my undergraduate years I did a lot of growing; some of it was hard, some fun, and some utterly ridiculous, but it was my first opportunity to really experience life on my own terms. It was also where I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.

Growing up, I was always convinced that I was going to be a scientist. It never really got more specific than that, just "a scientist". In high school I first started to fall in love with biology and genetics, but in college I was exposed to such a huge array of specialized fields that it at first blew my mind, then eventually let me find a niche that I enjoyed and could carve out a future in.

After graduation, UCR gave me my first research job. There, I learned how to design, execute, and analyze experiments. As the years progressed, I grew from a green college graduate washing dishes for other people into a competent researcher running my own experiments. It was sort of like a post-doc for the window between college and grad school; research with training wheels.

When the training wheels finally came off, I was ready to start grad school. The two years of my Master's degree went by in a flash. One minute I was excited to be getting back to school, the next I was walking across the stage at my commencement after having written and published a hundred-page thesis. But even after my Master's graduation I couldn't quite say good-bye to UCR. I've been spending the summer finishing up projects here and there, and honestly just looking for an excuse not to leave, I suppose.

But now I'm staring down my last couple weeks, with no recourse but to follow through on my commitment to move on to that PhD in Ireland. And, as hard as it is to admit, when I really, critically consider it, it is time for me to move on. I've grown a tremendous amount at UCR, and been given experiences for which I'll be forever grateful. But for as much as I've grown, I've reached the limit of that growth at UCR. Now I need to go somewhere else, somewhere new that pushes me to learn new things instead of relying on the comfort of the familiar workplace and familiar coworkers.

UCR has been a part of some of the greatest things in my life. I found my research interests. I experienced D&D for the first time. I was advised and mentored by great professors whom I hope to keep in contact with throughout my professional career. I met my husband and some of my best friends.

I don't mean to wax too nostalgic (there's plenty of things I won't miss about UCR), but leaving the place I've spent the last 11 (very formative) years of my life is starting to hit me hard. I've been at UCR in one form or another longer than any apartment or house I've lived in since I moved out of my parents' house (and nearly as long as I'd lived in my parents' house before I moved out). Packing up our house for the move doesn't feel too much different than moving to just any other place, except it might feel a little more liberating. Packing up my desk and deconstructing my lab equipment? That almost brought me to tears yesterday. But again, it is time to go. Even though I'll be an ocean away and forging a new path at a new university, UCR will always hold a special place in my heart.

Keep on doing what you're doing, Highlanders. And don't for one second let anyone talk down on UCR. It might not be Ivy League, but it's still a damn good place to call home for a while.