Greetings from Galway!
Yes, it’s finally happened. A. and I have uprooted our lives and made the move across the pond (complete with furry family in tow).
This move has been a roller coaster of events and emotions. It’s been exciting, and most certainly an adventure, but that’s not to say it’s been easy. Far from it. Sure, it was difficult fitting in in a new country; there’s the requisite culture shock and not knowing a single soul in the country (or on the continent, for that matter). There’s having to adjust to an entirely different pace of life, new governmental rules, and of course learning our way around the city (via walking or public transit since we no longer have a car).
But the thing that really took me by surprise was how quickly the homesickness hit. And it hit hard, like a sucker-punch to the gut. It took less than 48 hours after arriving on Irish soil, while we were still in a hotel and ambling about the city, while it should have still felt like we were on vacation and reality hadn’t yet set in, before I began to feel the pangs of loneliness and, more aptly, “aloneness”. I missed home. I missed the places and people that had been so familiar for the past 28 years of my life. I missed complaining about yet another heat wave, and how it should feel like Fall already. I missed simple things, like knowing what store I needed to go to for anything I might be needing; and the infinitely more important things like being able to run over to my parents’ house for an evening and get a hug from my mom when I had a bad day. I’m getting used to the small differences, but being so far away from everyone who is important in my life (besides A, of course) is a constant struggle that feels like I’ll never overcome. And I’m honestly not sure I want to.
It’s funny; when we were still in California, I was sure that I was more independent than this. I figured I’d miss my family and friends, but getting to video chat every weekend and exchanging emails and care packages (receiving comfort items from home in exchange for some UK goodies) would pretty much negate my sadness at the separation, and instead I would be focused on the excitement of this new chapter of my life and its ensuing adventures. But for all my talk of wanderlust and thirst for the adventure of seeing new places and doing new things, it turns out I’m more in love with the idea of adventure than the adventure itself. I miss home, and it weighs me down every day. It’s easy enough to push to the back of my mind while I’m at work and have something that requires my full attention. But in the mornings homesickness makes it hard to get out of bed. In the afternoons and evenings, it’s nearly crippling and I can’t seem to bring myself to do anything but tune out to Netflix or an audiobook, just so that I don’t have to think about how far away we are.
Obviously the doom-and-gloom thread won’t go into the family blog, but I just had to get it out somewhere. And I’m not saying that the move here has been all bad; in fact, there’s plenty that has been completely awesome about moving here.
For one, we’re a novelty. We’re the “cool Californians”, and I’ve already encountered such amusing reactions as: “Wait, you left California to come here?”, “Did you live in Hollywood?”, and “Oh, there’s another girl in the department from California! Maybe you’ll know each other!” (to which my reaction was to laugh and ask if they realized just how big California is, and how many people are there; hopefully I won’t end up knowing her so I don’t look like a complete idiot).
Another awesome thing about living here is being surrounded by so much history. Sure, you can visit “historic” sites in California that might date back into the mid-1800s (what hasn’t already been torn down and replaced with a strip mall or tract housing, that is), but there are buildings still standing in Galway that have been around since the 1500s. Instead of leveling their history, the city grew up around the history. One of the branches of my bank is inside a castle. The pub we had dinner at last week was founded by the guy who beheaded Charles I. The original city wall built by the Normans occupying Gailimh runs through the middle of the shopping mall downtown. Seriously.
I am excited about exploring Ireland, really getting to see some things from a local’s perspective rather than as a tourist, and getting to experience a new way of life for a while. But at the same time, I’m left with that constant homesick feeling for people back in California. Hopefully once people start coming to visit that will allay some of the sadness. Even just getting to look forward to a visit makes things a little easier.
Like I said, it’s been a roller coaster.
For right now, though, I need to stay focused on all of the positive things I’ve just listed out. This post has actually been a great help to refocus me. I might be sad about leaving home and miss people tons, but there’s so much I’m excited to do here, too. Maybe I’ll put a note on the fridge to remind me about that every morning.
So, here’s to making the huge move (whether it was a stupid idea or not), and doing little things every day that make me happy. To keeping positive, even when it hurts and all I want to do is cry, and to remembering why we made the move to begin with. Here’s to adventure, both the idea of it and the actuality, and the growth it inspires.
Here’s to Ireland. And here’s to visiting home at the first possible chance.
